Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
