Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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