Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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