First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
