Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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