Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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