i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
