Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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