At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
