remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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