pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
