Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
