I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She needs sedatives and a leash
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
