It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
