for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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