dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
