Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
