when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
