I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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