Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
