i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
