I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
