I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
