We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
