even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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