Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
