Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
