oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i now understand why vodka
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
