life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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