wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
