wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
