She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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