Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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