my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
