Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
