these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
