You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
