Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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