i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize