You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
