I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
