I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize