I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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