I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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