Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He shit in the fireplace
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
