kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
