There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
