I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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