I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
