READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
