my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
