you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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