I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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