So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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