you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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