Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize