We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
