They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
