Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
