Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
