it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
