I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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