oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
