he thought i was a dude.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
