Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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