We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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