she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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