Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
try to milk me bitch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
