my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
